Handling Verbal Attacks & De-escalation — A Reading Guide
Adapted for NIPE from public-domain guidance published by SAMHSA, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC), and the WHO. Content is summarised and rewritten; no proprietary material has been copied.
1. Recognise what's happening
A verbal attack — insult, threat, mocking, cornering — often signals that the other person is flooded (their stress system is overwhelmed). Their behaviour is a symptom, not the whole person.
2. Regulate yourself first
You cannot de-escalate someone else while your own nervous system is on fire.
- Slow your breath: inhale 4, exhale 6, for three cycles.
- Drop your shoulders. Unclench your jaw.
- Remind yourself: This is not about me.
3. Lower the temperature
- Voice: softer and slower than theirs.
- Body: step half a pace back. Angle sideways, not squared off.
- Words: short, non-defensive. "I hear you." "That sounds unfair."
4. Do NOT
- Match their volume.
- Argue the facts.
- Touch them.
- Corner them physically.
5. Offer an off-ramp
Give the person a way out that saves face:
- "Do you want to walk for a minute?"
- "Let's take five and come back to this."
6. Aftercare
Once the moment passes, check in — with them and with yourself. If threats were made or you feel unsafe, tell a trusted adult. Documenting the incident privately helps.
7. When to walk away
Your safety comes first. If de-escalation is not working within ~60 seconds, or the person is escalating physically, leave and get help.
Sources (public domain):
- CDC, Youth Violence Prevention resources.
- SAMHSA, De-escalation in Youth Settings public guidance.
- WHO, Psychological First Aid (2011).