# Handling Verbal Attacks & De-escalation — A Reading Guide

*Adapted for NIPE from public-domain guidance published by SAMHSA, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC), and the WHO. Content is summarised and rewritten; no proprietary material has been copied.*

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## 1. Recognise what's happening

A verbal attack — insult, threat, mocking, cornering — often signals that the other person is **flooded** (their stress system is overwhelmed). Their behaviour is a symptom, not the whole person.

## 2. Regulate yourself first

You cannot de-escalate someone else while your own nervous system is on fire.
- Slow your breath: inhale 4, exhale 6, for three cycles.
- Drop your shoulders. Unclench your jaw.
- Remind yourself: *This is not about me.*

## 3. Lower the temperature

- **Voice:** softer and slower than theirs.
- **Body:** step half a pace back. Angle sideways, not squared off.
- **Words:** short, non-defensive. "I hear you." "That sounds unfair."

## 4. Do NOT

- Match their volume.
- Argue the facts.
- Touch them.
- Corner them physically.

## 5. Offer an off-ramp

Give the person a way out that saves face:
- "Do you want to walk for a minute?"
- "Let's take five and come back to this."

## 6. Aftercare

Once the moment passes, check in — with them and with yourself. If threats were made or you feel unsafe, tell a trusted adult. Documenting the incident privately helps.

## 7. When to walk away

Your safety comes first. If de-escalation is not working within ~60 seconds, or the person is escalating physically, leave and get help.

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**Sources (public domain):**
- CDC, *Youth Violence Prevention* resources.
- SAMHSA, *De-escalation in Youth Settings* public guidance.
- WHO, *Psychological First Aid* (2011).